Spontaneous sex after prostate cancer: coping with changes and keeping the passion

Spontaneous sex—and the ability to have natural erections right when you want them—are two things that can change after prostate cancer treatment. So you’ll need to talk to your doctor about options to improve erections, like medications and devices.

All erection medications and devices take time to get used to, including pills and penile injections. In the beginning, it can be hard to imagine how you’ll experience “normal” sex again. But it’s possible. Trust us, humans are very adaptive—especially for something as important as passion and sex.

For example, if you think back to the early 1980’s, HIV/AIDS became a part of the sexual landscape. At that time, a whole generation of people had to accept that condoms should be worn during sexual encounters. This meant that many people would have foreplay, then disrupt this foreplay—stop and open up a condom package, figure out the correct direction of the condom, put the condom on—and then attempt to re-engage in sex. Even with this interruption, it took very little time for condoms to be accepted and adapted to. Condoms became integrated into sex as men learned to make them part of their routine.

This same adaptation is possible with erection pills, devices, and general outlook on spontaneity.

Some people don’t like the idea of using penile injections and say it doesn’t feel like a normal part of sex. Others find that they are handy, and really help with having more on-demand sex. Think of penile injections as a key part of your toolbox, for when you want an erection in a short amount of time. They can take some getting used to, and it helps to have a plan for using them.

For example, let’s say your regular routine is to have sex once per week. You might try having non-penetrative sex 3 times per month and using injections once per month.

One couple tried this plan and said:

If you’re interested in penile injections and how to use them, talk to your doctor about your options.

Ever heard of “prescribed” sex? This is when your doctor gives you a sexual routine to try with your spouse or partner, to get back into the swing of things.

For example, a common prescription is to have sex at least once a week while using an erection pill. It can be hard to feel natural and spontaneous because you have to take the pills on an empty stomach, with no alcohol, and wait one hour before they start working.

This prescription can also mean self-stimulation (masturbation) once a week. Through masturbating, this can still feel pretty natural and spontaneous if the mood strikes.

Some people find it hard to feel passion when sex is prescribed by a doctor, especially when this includes using erection pills or devices. But you can work towards making this more of a normal part of your routine.

You and your partner can work together to find ways of having sex be both prescribed and passionate. Here are two suggestions to take onboard:

If you’re interested in any of these approaches, talk to your doctor to see what they recommend being best for you and your goals in sexual recovery.