Intimacy goes beyond the physical act of sex. Use sensual exercises to explore different ways to experience pleasure and connection with your partner.

When you’re looking to adjust to changes in your sex life during and after prostate cancer treatment, it’s easy to forget about other options besides intercourse or penetration. The truth is, there are many ways to think of intimacy, pleasure and connection with your spouse or partner.
In this article, we’ll share a few different thought exercises you can work through, with or without a partner. (If you have a partner, it’s great to do this together and share your answers right after!) We’ll also cover a few key foundations to maintaining intimacy when you're navigating prostate cancer.

How can I maintain intimacy during and after prostate cancer treatment?

Practice good communication with your partner.

Avoid making assumptions about your partner’s sexual expectations and needs.

Thought exercise: understanding intimacy

Important tips to promote intimacy:

• Explore other ways to be intimate besides intercourse or penetration.

• Take sex off the table.

• Schedule time to be intimate.

• Have open communication.

• Think positive, not negative.

• Don’t try to force intimacy.

• Kiss and touch often.

Thought exercise: Identifying what excites you sexually

1. Mutuality. You are both able, and willing, to give and receive pleasure

2. Willingness. You both want to be there, not because you feel it’s your “duty”.

3. Intimacy. When you feel vulnerable but safe, knowing that you are loved, wanted, and won’t be judged

Exercise 1: What is good sex?

• When you were on vacation? What was it about being on vacation that made sex good?

• After you partner did something that made you feel special? Attractive? Desired? Sexy?

• After a lengthy period of foreplay? After a short period of foreplay?

• With the lights on? With the lights off?

• At night? In the morning?

• Rushed, and spontaneous? Slow and planned?

• In the bedroom? In the backseat of the car?

• Indoors? Outdoors?

• A favorite sexual position (missionary, on top, on the bottom, standing, lying down)?

Exercise 2: What do you value about sex?

Physical Pleasure – Relational Intimacy Model of Sexual Motivation (PRISM) diagram

1. On your own, first think about how much you value sex for physical pleasure. Put an X on the vertical (straight up and down) line to indicate the degree to which you value sex for physical pleasure. If you highly value sex for physical pleasure put your X close to the top of the line. If you don’t value sex for physical pleasure, put your X closer to the bottom of the line.

2. Do the same thing thinking about how much you value sex for relational intimacy. This time draw your X on the horizontal line (the lines going left to right). If you highly value sex for relational intimacy put your X close to the right end of the line. If you don’t value sex for relational intimacy, put your X closer to the left end of the line of the line.

3. Draw lines to connect the two lines like the example below and write your name where the two lines intersect.

4. Now repeat this exercise. Guess how your partner filled out the form and put your partner’s name beside the point.

5. Share your results with each other. Place the figures side by side and compare. By comparing, you two can gain a better awareness of how you value sex, including similarities and differences.

Completed version of PRISM (Physical Pleasure – Relational Intimacy Model of Sexual Motivation) diagram