Mental health
Spontaneous sex after prostate cancer: coping with changes and keeping the passion
Sex and intimacy after prostate cancer can bring big questions. Can sex still be spontaneous? Can you even have sex after prostate cancer? There may be changes to your sex life — but keeping spontaneity, intimacy, and passion alive can still be possible.
Adapting to using erection medications and devices
Spontaneous sex — and the ability to have erections right when you want them—are two things that can change after prostate cancer treatment. So, you’ll need to talk to your doctor about options to improve erections, like medications and devices.
All erection medications and devices take time to get used to, including pumps, pills, and penile injections. In the beginning, it can be hard to imagine how you’ll once again experience sex the way you remember. But humans are very adaptive; passion and satisfying sex can still be experienced.
Penile injections can be part of your toolbox for having sex
Some people don’t like the idea of using penile injections and say it doesn’t feel like a normal part of sex. Others find that they are handy, and really help with having more on-demand sex. Think of penile injections as a key part of your toolbox, for when you want an erection in a short amount of time. They can take some getting used to, and it helps to have a plan for using them.
For example, let’s say your regular routine is to have sex once per week. You might try having non-penetrative sex 3 times per month and using injections once per month.
One couple tried this plan and said:
"This way we have the best of both worlds, we can enjoy natural and spontaneous non-intercourse sex and then when we miss the feeling of penetrative sex, we use the injection."
If you’re interested in penile injections and how to use them, talk to your doctor about your options.
Using scheduled sex
Ever heard of “scheduled” sex? (You may even think of it as a sex 'prescription'.) This is a regular sexual routine to try with your spouse or partner, to get back into the swing of things. Your doctor or sexual health therapist might ‘prescribe’ or suggest a routine, or you and your partner could develop a schedule for sex yourselves.
For example, a common routine is to have sex at least once a week while using an erection pill. It can be hard to feel natural and spontaneous because you have to take the pills on an empty stomach, with no alcohol, and wait one hour before they start working.
This can also mean self-stimulation (masturbation) once a week. Through masturbating, sex can still feel pretty natural and spontaneous if the mood strikes.
Some people find it hard to feel passion when sex is prescribed by a doctor, especially when this includes using erection pills or devices. But you can work towards making this more of a normal part of your routine.
How can you keep your sex life passionate?
You and your partner can work together to find ways of having sex be both scheduled and passionate. Here are two suggestions to take onboard:
Make your scheduled or planned sex more natural and spontaneous
Fans of morning sex—we’re talking to you. And if you’re not used to having sex in the morning, it’s a good time to try. Having sex first thing in the morning is great because there’s usually no food or alcohol in your body. You only need to wake up an hour before sex to take the pill.
Separate scheduled sex from passionate sex
Treat scheduled sex like an exercise routine and plan to do it once a week. You would use an erection pill during this “exercise” sex. For the rest of the week, you might try more spontaneous, non-penetrative sexual activity. This way, you do not have to worry about all the things you need to do to make the erection pills work.
If you’re interested in any of these approaches, talk to your doctor to see what they recommend being best for you and your goals in sexual recovery.
